Don't Let Your Teenager Be "Fine"

Are you a parent of a teenager? Grandparent? Teacher? Church mentor? Do you know a teenager? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, this blog post is for you. I have the pleasure of speaking to a wonderful group of high schoolers very soon and in order to get ready, I have immersed myself into researching adolescent mental health statistics. Quite frankly, the numbers are alarming. 

·      Around 40% of teens report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness

·      It is estimated that 49.5% of adolescents have had a mental health disorder at some point in their lives 

·      Anxiety occurs in approximately 32% of 13-18 year-olds  

·      Depression is diagnosed in approximately 13% of 12-17 year-olds

·      Suicide is the 2^nd leading cause of death for people aged 15-24

·      20%of high school students report serious thoughts of suicide and 9% report attempting to take their life

These numbers tell us that we have a problem. An epidemic, really. I will say, I think as a society, we are doing better talking about it. Mental health is brought up in schools, students talk about it openly and honestly amongst themselves, it’s all over social media and in pop culture. However, most teenagers will not tell an adult they are struggling, but 7 out of 10 will tell a peer. Why is that? It’s great that they are talking about it with each other, but often the recipient of the news does not know where to go with the information. They keep it to themselves, thinking they need to honor the confidentiality of their friend and the opportunity for help gets lost. It’s out there and it’s being talked about, but are adults talking about it with the teens in their lives. Are parents and caregivers talking about it in our homes?

This is where I think we can do better. We need to make it acceptable and available to talk about mental health in our homes. We need to ask the tough questions. We need to observe our teens. We need to listen. How do we do this?

1.  Ask Questions: What questions do we ask? Open-ended questions: 

o   How are you doing today? 

o   What’s going on in your world?

o   What has been your biggest struggle lately? 

o   What victories have you celebrated?

*I love this quote from Beacon of Light Executive Director, Doug Reed: “if the answer to your question is ‘fine’, then you’re not asking the right question”. Dig deeper, go all in, spend time in conversation and be present with your child. Do not accept “fine” as an answer. Even if your teen seems to have it all together, ask the questions anyway. 

2.  Make it clear that you want honesty and that you can handle hearing that they are not ok. 

3.  Listen without judgment, without trying to fix the problem. Instead, show unconditional acceptance and understanding of your teen.

4.  Make mental health a regular topic of conversation. Use the words; depression, anxiety, self-harm – and know what they mean! Normalize the terms; helping your teen understand that these are health conditions and should be talked about, just as we talk about strep or the flu. 

5.  TALK ABOUT SUICIDE! Ask: Are you thinking of ending your life? Don’t be afraid to bring it up. You are not putting the idea in their head. Trust me, they are aware. You may be scared of the answer but the alterative to not knowing is even scarier. Encourage them to come to you or another trusted adult if they struggle with these thoughts. Assure them that you will not be angry, and you will not freak out, but you will love them, and help them find the help they need. 

6.   Do not assume that just because your teen “has everything” or “comes from a good family” that they are immune from mental health battles. Mental health conditions and suicide do not discriminate. We are all at-risk. 

 Please understand that not all mental illness is glaringly obvious. Many people hide it for various reasons, particularly from the ones they love most. Teenagers are no exception to this. If you don’t talk about it with your teens, if you don’t make it an open topic of conversation, if you don’t normalize the terms and the struggle, your teen won’t feel comfortable coming to you when they need you most. 

If you do find that a teen in your life is battling mental health concerns, help is available. 

In addition to Beacon of Light, the following resources can provide guidance:

https://www.herefortexas.com

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988

Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to741741

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 800-273-8255

Bottom line, talk to the teenagers in your life and join their team in the fight! 

References:

https://www.cdc.gov

https://www.who.int

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